Ugh, Gwyneth! You’ve been swaddled in the arms of home and family for months now, and this is the best you could come up with? Draped in a shapeless dark patterned schmatte belted at the waist with what could double as a train. You seem to be wearing your signature smug/smirk that tells the world that you are above us all in our plebian ways, along with your “I’m allergic to the sun” pallor which gets accentuated next to the dark dress and boots sandals carved up bootsandals. Or maybe this whole outfit is an homage to a hidden bondage fetish. That belt would be long enough to tie you up (if you don’t trip on it first and break your leg) and that would also explain those BDSM shoes. Hmmmm….was Chris meeting you after this shindig? Maybe that would explain this look. Sigh. Couldn’t you have been even slightly inspired by, your friend, Helena Christensen?
You need a glass of wine, a new stylist, and (I never thought I’d say this) a spray tan. But maybe you should give up that self-imposed moratorium on working and get a job, so you can see what everyone else is wearing. By the way, I haven’t seen a sports watch since the one my Uncle Bob used to wear with his Member’s Only jacket back in the 80’s.
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